Random Acts of Commentary: Some People Are Just Completely Stupid

Jeff Schwartz

Random Short Commentary: Some People Are Just Completely Stupid

July 29, 2010

Some people just like to make a statement. That’s cool. That’s also respectable. But there are always lines drawn in the sand where the person making a statement comes off as an idiot. Maybe this guy missed the memo or “The Decision.” Maybe he’s just a tool looking for attention but Matt Bellamy you’re going to become my victim after this blog. Why you chose to show up to an Indians vs. Yankees game in a #6 LeBron James Miami Heat jersey I will never know. Are you an idiot? Are you looking to get killed? The Self-Titled King doesn’t even have the stones to do that. Art Modell hasn’t been back here since 1996. Not only did this buffoon put himself in harm’s way, he also put his girlfriend in harm’s way. Buddy, if you’re stupid enough to put yourself out there, you should at least consider protecting your girlfriend.

Per http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/2010/07/too-soon-cleveland-frowns-exclusive-guy.html Matt Bellamy is from Sandusky, he’s been pistol whipped before and sports a scar from it. Matt, you’re a loser. You’ll be a loser for the rest of your life. Based upon the pictures and videos I’ve viewed at the Cleveland Frowns link, you’re just a loser. It’s amazing the fans last night were as kind to you as they were. You’re lucky you made it out of there with your life. You’re lucky your girlfriend was not victimized more than she was. Had this been a Cleveland Browns game, your fate would have been a whole lot different.

Blog #18: The Curious Case of Jhonny Peralta

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #18: The Curious Case of Jhonny Peralta

July 28, 2010

In all of my years watching the Cleveland Indians there has not been a player who has confused me as much as Jhonny Peralta has. He’s the infield version of a conundrum. How could I possibly not want to keep a guy who hit 35 doubles, 18 home runs, and 80 RBI's a season, while maintaining an average of .264? How could I possibly want to trade, cut, waive, send down a guy who hit .300 in his lone year of playoffs, 2007? Am I nuts? But the more I thought about it, the more I smiled because finally after being a part of the Indians organization since 1999, Jhonny Peralta was no longer able to call himself a Cleveland Indian. He was never a locker room cancer or a bad guy. In fact Jhonny Peralta was a really nice guy. He signed autographs, he took photos, he cut really funny commercials, but I’m happy he’s gone. Jhonny Peralta is in fact a really good person, and for once I feel bad that I’ve buried an athlete on the field. But again, I’m so thrilled he’s not part of the Cleveland Indians team anymore.

So, as I was thinking back about the last seven years Jhonny Peralta spent on the Indians big league roster I thought of five solid reasons why I’m excited to see Jhonny Peralta move on. First and foremost the man had steel feet. He may have had worst defensive range as a shortstop in Major League Baseball from 2003-2009. I saw him have more balls go up the middle and between third and short in six years than I did from 1994-2003 with Omar Vizquel.

Secondly, his glove work was downright embarrassing. Peralta had more balls stick to his glove than any type of glue could have helped. Any great shortstop that is dead is currently rolling over in their graves. The third issue I have with Jhonny Peralta is that he always seemed lazy. His numbers at the plate seem to refute that claim most of the time however his carefree attitude seems to come off as lazy. Lazy running the bases, lazy in the field, lazy in the way he carried himself. Jhonny just looked like he didn’t care.

My fourth issue with Jhonny Peralta is one that he can’t take all of the blame for. Mark Shapiro, who I’ve got a lot of anger toward signed Peralta to a five year, thirteen million dollar contract. When the deal went through, many fans seemed to be thrilled. After a year of that contract those same people who were excited could not wait to be rid of that deal. Peralta’s agent Bill Rego may have collected that contract with a ski-mask and gun because he robbed the Indians. There was no reason Bill Rego and Jhonny Peralta should have said no that contract, but it still said Jhonny Peralta on the deal and that’s reason enough to be bothered.

The fifth and final issue with Peralta is what he represented. Jhonny Peralta represents an era of Cleveland Indians baseball that promoted laziness, “grinding out wins,” no homeruns, no World Series appearances, and a whole lot of spin control. In fifty years Peralta’s name will appear amongst losers like Eric Wedge, Grady Sizemore, Larry Dolan, Paul Dolan, Jason Michaels, David Dellucci, and the biggest representation of all the bad Casey Blake. When you do not win, and you look lazy on the field, all the while people are making excuses for you, there is celebration when you leave town.

Make no mistake about it, Jhonny Peralta is a good human being. He’s represented The Cleveland Indians very well in public. There were no code of conduct issues with him. He was just lazy, unmotivated, and represented an era of really sad baseball for Cleveland fans. This trade is not like moving C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and Victor Martinez, nor is it like Albert Belle, Manny Ramirez, or Jim Thome leaving. The trading of Jhonny Peralta today, to the Detroit Tigers is a positive in every way, shape, or form. Today is the start of the resurrection of the Cleveland Indians infield.

YouTube Link of the Week: In Honor of Nolan Smith's Birthday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA8oNk8A3X8&videos=ltX915oq57s

Legit: He's the most charismatic guard in the history of Duke University. What Nolan Smith lacks in talent, he more than makes up for in desire, heart, passion, and presence. Here's to an epic senior season ending with another net cutting ceremony.

Image of the Week Award Winner Week of July 25, 2010

Coming off the news story that Roy Williams has a problem with Duke Freshman Point Guard Kyrie Irving before he even plays a game, I had to make this the Image of the Week. Once a loser Roy, always a loser Roy.

Blog #17: Discovering a New Guy

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #17: Discovering a New Guy

July 27, 2010

Last night I attended an Akron Aeros baseball game with my grandfather. Throughout the course of the game I sat and discussed the game of baseball with him. As much fun as that is, I was quite horrified by my surroundings. In the last few years a number of “guys” have become apparent, as referred to on the Jim Rome Show. Softball guy, bachelor party guy, golf guy, gym guy, fantasy sports guy, you all know them. But last a new, scary, totally out of control “guy” came to the forefront, “Sports Event Guy.” This guy is the worst of them all. He’s usually forty and up, single, no kids, never married, and overweight. While you might think that’s a lot of people out there, “Sports Event Guy” has a few distinctive traits that makes him an awful human being. There’s also different categories to “Sports Event Guy,” making this “guy” the worst of the worst.

Let’s first start out with the idea that “Sports Event Guy” sings along to every rally cry played over the public address system at the ballpark. If the loud phrase of “Day-O!” is played, this goof yells along to it, every single time without fail. He’ll also scream at the pitcher as if the pitcher can hear every word he says. For instance, the inspiration for this “guy” kept screaming “Pitcher has a big butt!” and then laughing at it, like it was a great and creative insult. It’s a line from a movie aimed at kids, not forty year old single men. A good heckle is something that gets everyone else to laugh, not yourself.

“Sports Event Guy” also suffers from a disease I’d like to call “Repeat-phrase-itus.” An example would be last night, this buffoon using the term “I almost got it,” every time a foul was hit into the stands in any section of the stadium. Or the fact that when a foul ball was hit out of the stadium he’d yell “I hope it doesn’t hit my car.” Sir, I hope every ball fair or foul somehow hits your car.

While “Sports Event Guy” is totally out of control, there’s nothing more bothersome to me than an adult who brings his baseball glove to a game. I understand being a kid and being all fired up to attend a game. I brought my glove along many times as a child to the game. After all as a kid what could be cooler than catching a foul ball or a homerun, probably not much. As an adult however, upon catching the ball or making a fool of yourself while trying to snag the ball you end up on ESPN, and that’s not good for anybody. Almost assuredly, when you’re an adult and you bring your glove to the game, you look like a clown. This alleged adult brought his glove and his five children to the game. A nice family outing, except dad spent the entire night joking around with loud obnoxious guy leaving my grandfather and me in the middle of the battlefield. Upon each foul ball hit, “Baseball Glove Adult Guy” tried to clear a path like a fullback does for a running back in the NFL. He was unsuccessful every attempt to shag a fly ball into our section.

To all of my readers, please do not think “Sports Event Guy” is only applicable to men. Oh no, not even close. There’s also a female version, who sat directly behind me last night. Between rooting for both teams to score and gossiping about their fellow employees’ hips being too wide, I’d venture to say these two women took a wrong turn somewhere. I’d go as far as saying these two women should be permanently banned from attending any event I do. High pitched screaming, and loud conversations that would be better served occurring at a Starbucks do not belong at baseball games on a warm summer night.

Those that know me know I am not a people person. In fact I am proud to dislike everyone that doesn’t come with a recommendation. Almost assuredly when I am at a sporting event there will be someone around me that is clearly dislikable. It never disappoints. Be it drunk guy, loud guy, adult who never gives up the dream guy, or even teenager guy who feels the need to toss his popcorn at elderly devoted fan guy for no reason, it’s always consistent. “Sports Event Guy” is a part of the greatness that comes with attending a live sporting event. But that’s no reason he has to act like a complete tool.

Blog #16: A Blog Dedicated to #16 Josh Cribbs

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #16: A Blog Dedicated to #16 Josh Cribbs

July 22, 2010

“Thank you lord for allowing me to enjoy another day in your name, father God thank you for allowing us to beat the steelers… Amen.” No I’ve not suddenly become one of those crazy religious folks. That’s actually the first tweet I ever favorite on Twitter. It’s a tweet that came from Cleveland Brown Josh Cribbs an hour after the Cleveland Browns beat the Pittsburgh Steelers last December. Cribbs played out of his mind that game. Statistically, his numbers weren’t mind blowing but it was the little things he did that made that big of an impact.

It’s always the little things Josh Cribbs does that make him one of the best football players in Cleveland Browns history. Special teams tackling, Cribbs does it well. Punt returns, Cribbs succeeds, Kickoff returns, Cribbs is the best in the league bar none, Catching passes, Cribbs is working at it. The Cleveland Browns are a better football team when Josh Cribbs is on the field, and he’s never off of it. Rumors are circling Cribbs will get some time at Safety this season due to the shortage of talent at the position for the Browns. He’d probably be awesome at that too.

Josh Cribbs was an undrafted Quarterback out of Kent State where he wasn’t even originally a scholarship player. Cribbs wasn't even the best player on his own high school team. That honor belonged to San Francisco 49ers Tight End Vernon Davis. Cribbs has played 77 career NFL games up to this point. In those 77 games, he's the proud owner of 10 Special Teams touchdowns. That’s enough to merit consideration for the best Special Teams player in the history of the league.

Ignoring the numbers and the amazing highlights, Cribbs conduct is what makes him so special. Josh Cribbs is a family man; he represents the people of Cleveland in a positive manner. His 2010 Pro Bowl check was donated to Haiti for victims of an earthquake. His television show on FSN Ohio “Josh’s Cribbs,” shows Cribbs continuously in the community signing autographs and taking pictures. He’s beloved in this town because he plays football so passionately. In the ten years the Cleveland Browns have returned from exile, only Joe Thomas has been more dominant. The Cleveland Browns are turning the tide around with positive work on the field. Quality coaching has replaced complete lunacy from management, and Josh Cribbs is a major part of that turn around. As the countdown to training camp officially begins this coming Monday, thinking of Joshua Cribbs highlights of the past and future will put a smile on any face, loyal to the Orange and Brown.

I could watch this video all day.

Blog #15: Brett Favre, Enough Already!

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #15: Brett Favre, Enough Already!

July 21, 2010

In 1991 The NFL was first graced with the presence of one Brett Lorenzo Favre. The blame for that rests in the Atlanta Falcons who drafted Favre with the 33rd overall pick (Round 2). Over the course of the next nineteen seasons the NFL fans in Green Bay, New York, and Minnesota have been held hostage by this lunatic. Whether it was the ridiculous commercials for Wrangler Jeans or the absurd amount of references to his appearance in There’s Something About Mary, Favre has been everywhere even during the off season. For the last five seasons, Favre has threatened to retire from the NFL. When I say threatened, I say it as an awful thing, because he’s never serious. The Packers, Jets, and Vikings all fell victim to his demands.

Heading into this off season, the Evil Four Letter Network has launched Favre watch 2010. The whole LeBron-nonsense wasn’t enough, neither was the Tiger Woods coverage, so the Evil Sports Programming Network has launched this year’s version of Favre Watch. Rachel Nichols is held up in Mississippi waiting for Lord Favre to step outside of his manor. Wendy Nix is posted up live outside of the Minnesota Vikings training facility hoping to catch a small glimpse of Coach Brad Childress in hopes of gaining a word or two from him on ESPN’s new Chosen One, Brett Favre. It’s really all too much. Upon viewing Sports Center (Yeah I’m back on the horse), The Gunslinger’s name was talked about for a total of eleven minutes over the course of three segments. That’s over 1/6^th of the show was devoted to Number 4. Unreal? Not really, ESPN’s hard-on for Favre dates back to even before he played in a Monday Night Football game the night his father died.

Brett Favre is essentially the Evil Four Letter’s hometown hero, despite being from nowhere near Bristol, CT. Make no mistake about it; Favre is a first ballot hall of famer. He’s one of the best football players to ever live. But he’s a human being, with human problems, just like the rest of us. I’m not sure The World Wide Leader knows Brett Favre is a tax paying, addiction having, breathing citizen of the United States just as much as Bob Smith from Ft. Worth, Texas. There’s no real difference other than a job and some athletic skills. You can’t tell that to ESPN though. As far as they’re concerned Favre is the greatest man to ever live. Statistically, he’s an average QB, but his leadership on the field and 11 Pro Bowl Selections, 3 All Pro Selections, 3 MVP's, 1 Superbowl Ring make Favre a legend on the field.

The reason I’m taking issue with Favre, is his conduct off the field. You can’t go into every single off-season and debate on retirement. You can’t hold a team hostage the way he did the Packers, Jets, and Vikings. He’s a head case, and I’m not sure whether concussions have played a part in this strange behavior. It’s really not a hard choice to play or not to play. I get the idea that it’s hard to leave your teammates. Why not just say I’m planning on coming back, and if that changes I’ll be glad to do four days of a sentence at the ESPN campus for interviews on all of the shows? Is it really hard to be fair to your fellow teammates? I don’t think so.

Another question that comes up about Favre continuously coming back is do his statistics justify it? Last season’s numbers indicate his return is justified, 33 touchdowns, with only 7 interceptions, and 34 sacks. That’s a hell of a season but that number of sacks is scary. However in the season prior Favre had 22 touchdowns, 22 interceptions, and was sacked 30 times. A nearly forty year old man does not need to be sacked 64 times in two seasons. That’s the kind of pain that can’t be good for anyone of any age.

His career totals include 497 touchdowns, 317 interceptions, and 503 sacks. Those are astounding numbers from the NFL’s only active grandfather. Eventually his body is going to break into pieces and when it happens it will happen quickly, maybe over night. I don’t know that you can justify his price tag of 12 million a season, at age 40 even with 33 trips to the end zone. If I’m the Minnesota Vikings, a team with an All-Pro Running Back (Adrian Peterson) and a top notch receiving corps, I’m scouring the world for a young Quarterback that I can sub in for Lord Favre. There’s no way to trust Favre or really any other “experienced” athlete to play the situation the same way he plays the game.

YouTube Link of the Week: In Honor of The Late Lou Brown and the Indians Four Game Win Streak

I dedicate this clip to the late Indians manager Lou Brown and the current Cleveland Indians who happen to be on a four game win streak.

Image of the Week Award Winner Week of July 18, 2010

I really haven't ripped on the North Carolina Tar Heels yet, so here's a funny photoshop job from a few years back. The individuals in the photo are current NBA bust Tyler Hansbrough of the Indiana Pacers and current UNC head coach bust, Roy Williams as the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

Blog #14: Cleveland Browns Training Camp Countdown: 14 Days

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #14: Cleveland Browns Training Camp Countdown: 14 Days

July 18, 2010

I was looking at my calendar for the next week (which should provide a hectic and stressful week), and I noticed that in fourteen days The Mighty, Mighty Cleveland Browns begin the 2010-2011 season. Eric Mangini’s Cleveland Browns currently sit at a four-game win streak having defeated Ben the Sexual Predator and the Pittsburgh Steelers, Kansas City, Oakland, and Jacksonville to end the campaign last year. There’s a lot to be excited about if you’re a Browns fan. Over the course of the next month, I plan on previewing each position as we head into a season that will be a vast improvement on the years previous.

With 14 days until Training Camp is scheduled to begin for the Orange and Brown, here’s 14 Cleveland Browns related issues and topics to look forward to. These are in no specific order. It’s going to be an exciting season to be a Browns fan.

1. Can we beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in back to back games? Is it possible to defeat those weirdo’s three times in a row? There are many Pittsburgh area children who have been born since December 10, 2010 who have never seen their team beat the Browns.

2. Can Josh Cribbs make an impact at Wide Receiver? Second year players Mo Massaquoi and Buckeye Brother Brian Robiskie are solid starters, but Cribbs needs to play the role of star until Massaquoi and Robiskie can step up to the plate and take the brass ring.

3. Can Eric Mangini’s shadow AKA Mike Holmgren resist the urge to take over the coaching duties at any point in the season? Holmgren and Mangini seem to be vibing with one another right now, but will it last?

4. Can Joe Thomas finally get the national love that he gets from Cleveland for being the best Left Tackle in the NFL? Three seasons, three Pro Bowls. The All-Pro from Wisconsin deserves the respect of the entire country.

5. Can Jerome Harrison firmly establish himself as the number one Running Back or will rookie Montario Hardesty step in and become his idol Jamal Lewis? This is a really strong combo; I see many good things from the backs if they stay healthy. Don’t forget about Lawrence Vickers, an All-Pro talent at Full Back.

6. Can Shaun Rogers bounce back? The biggest man I’ve ever seen is a complete beast when healthy and more importantly happy. Ahtyba Rubin in limited action played much better than Rogers did last season, he also did not see the inside of a court room.

7. Can the Line Backing corps be as strong as I think it can be? Eric Barton, Marcus Benard, David Bowens, Titus Brown, Scott Fujita, Chris Gocong, D'Qwell Jackson, Matt Roth, and Jason Trusnik on paper sound like a scary bunch. I really hope they can hurt some Quarterbacks this year.

8. Can the Browns find a safety or two out of rookies Larry Asante and T.J. Ward? I badly wanted USC’s Taylor Mays when Ward was selected, but the Browns went with Ward. I am greatly looking forward to seeing Ward in action.

9. Can the right side of the Offensive Line actually be half as good as the left side? Free agent acquisition Tony Pashos is a monster of a man being paid a lot of money. He seems like he’ll be a big body who can stop Defensive Linemen from getting to Jake Delhomme.

10. Can the Quarterbacks of Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, and rookie Colt McCoy be any better than Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, and Brett Ratliff? They certainly can’t be any worse than last year’s trio of buffoons. I expect a lot of positives out of Delhomme before McCoy gets his chance in 2011-2012.

11. Can the Defensive Line actually have some depth to it? Rookie Clifton Geathers who is 6’7 and 300lbs looks like he could be a great body to put up front with Rogers, Smith, and Rubin. If the D-Line can be strong, there’s a good chance the Line Backers will have an easier go at making tackles.

12. Can Evan Moore continue to grow as a Tight End? Moore came out of nowhere last season and put up decent numbers to end the year. I expect to see Moore use his big hands to catch balls very quickly in Training Camp and follow that up with a big Pre-Season.

13. Can Eric Steinbach find himself? The last two years Left Guard Steinbach has had some problems. If it wasn’t for Thomas, Steinbach probably would have been cut by now. Joe Thomas makes him look like a stud. I think Big Stein can step his game up and head back to the Pro Bowl if things fall right.

14. Can the Cleveland Browns find an identity? Are they a team that runs the West Coast Offense? Do they run the ball? Can they stop the run? Do you not want to pass the ball against their strong secondary? The Browns MUST establish a definition to their team if they want to be taken seriously as playoff contenders.

The answer to all of these questions is YES WE CAN. This is the season things begin to turn around for us. I can’t wait until Saturday August 14, when I can walk into Cleveland Browns Stadium and see my team on the field for the first Pre-Season game. Here we go Brownies, here we go!

Blog #13: My Tribute to the Greatest Manager in Cleveland Indians History

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #13: My Tribute to the Greatest Manager in Cleveland Indians History

July 17, 2010

In the modern era of such incredibly awful managers like Eric Wedge and Manny Acta who did/do their job with such little legitimate emotion, I can’t help but be really sad over the death of the greatest baseball manager in the history of the Cleveland Indians franchise. It was 1989, and the Cleveland Indians and owner Rachel Phelps had a really awful baseball team. Ms. Phelps had no qualms about wanting the worst of the worst so she could move the franchise to Florida. Why anyone would want to pack their bags and move to Florida, I’ll never know but that’s a different story for a different day. Phelps and General Manager Charlie Donovan needed a patsy, for one year. After being rejected by several candidates, they settled on Donovan’s old friend the great Lou Brown.

Lou Brown was a tire salesman from Toledo, but he was also the best man for the job. Brown initially refused the job. "Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.” But soon enough Brown was managing the Tribe with such luminaries as Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn a hard throwing right hander who spent time in the California Penal League the year prior, Willy Mayes Hayes, a guy who “Runs like Mayes but hits like shit,” Roger Dorn, a perennial underachieving soft minded, pompous jackass who didn’t even bend over to receive ground balls at third base, and Jake Taylor, a veteran who was at the end of a career rope that was disintegrating.

It was Brown who got the Indians to win games when they had no right to. It was Brown who sacrificed his own health to help guys like Outfielder Pedro Cerrano and Pitcher Ed Harris get the Indians into the playoffs. Lou Brown supported even the biggest bums on his own team, with motivating comments like “Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "olé" bullshit! Every time you play one off of your hips, you owe me forty sit-ups.” Roger Dorn never bent over to field the ball that way again.

When the Indians slumped Brown, fired back at his team. He wasn’t afraid of them, like an Eric Wedge or Manny Acta is. Brown didn’t care about being politically correct like a Mark Shapiro. The truth was the truth. There was to be zero spin control. “You guys won last year just to spite her. Maybe, she's what we need. Taylor, it's not your job to make excuses. That's all you guys do good! It's either a "leg thing" or a "spiritual thing" or a "psychological thing" or a heart attack!" It was Lou Brown who gave himself a heart attack because he wanted to help his team win.

So with today’s passing of the great Lou Brown, I’d like to eulogize him with the following speech, that he made; “All right people, we got 10 minutes 'till game time, let's all gather 'round. I'm not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sportswriters' time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big shitburger to eat!” The previous comments are the exact message I’d deliver to every team on opening day. It’s time Cleveland gave this country a nice big shitburger to eat. When that happens, not if, but when that happens, it’s going to be a celebration that will require the National Guard to step in and end the fun. “Burn on Lou Brown, Burn on.”

Blog #12: Competitive Balance In Baseball, Say What?

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #12: Competitive Balance In Baseball, Say What?

July 15, 2010

Indeed, there is competitive balance in baseball. It’s 2010; The New York Yankees are still leading the way with the best record in the game. However, their lead is not safe. In fact, nobody’s lead is safe. There is not a division in baseball with a lead over four games. The Yankees at 56-32 have a two game lead over the Tampa Bay Rays. As Major League Baseball kicks off the second half tonight, I thought I’d explore why the game of baseball has find competitive balance.

My gripes with the game are well known. The All Star Game is terrible. It’s full of Alleged Stars, but not All of the Stars. The Commissioner is more like the guy you’d find hawking stolen merchandise on the streets of New York City as opposed to being the leader for America’s Past Time. He’s about as credible as LeBron James mother right now. I also don’t like the notion of having two sets of rules in each league. That’s absurd. Bud Selig has been a facilitator of over-spending by owners from big markets, forcing teams like Pittsburgh, Kansas City, and Cleveland to spend the majority of the time way out of the race for the playoffs.

That’s different this season. Division leaders include, the Texas Rangers, Cincinnati Reds, and San Diego Padres. That’s pretty crazy. All of those teams have last place finishes in the previous ten years. The New York Yankees are currently two games up on the Tampa Bay Rays, a team with a payroll that is the size of Alex Rodriguez and C.C. Sabathia combined in one season. That’s impressive.

In the American League Central there’s a shot for a three team tie to end the season. This would be the first time in the history of the game that has happened. That’s impactful drama that can make people care. Arguably the Central is the worst division in baseball, but there’s still three teams competing like never before to win which makes for a compelling watch. Out West, The Padres, Dodgers, & Rockies are all within two games of each other. That’s very impressive when you consider the Padres were projected as the worst team in the National League by many of the so-called experts at ESPN this year. The Los Angeles Dodgers and Colorado Rockies were expected to compete for the division crown but at the half way point find themselves behind Adrian Gonzalez and the San Diego Padres. The San Francisco Giants were also expected to compete for the Western Division Championship but currently find themselves four games out of first.

That brings me to the American League East, home of the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, and Tampa Bay Rays play. Five games out sit the Boston Red Sox, a team with amazing pitching and a soft lineup. The Tampa Bay Rays, who confuse me because I’m not sure what I like more their pitching or their lineup are currently two games out and open the second half of the season with a three game set at Yankee Stadium. Carl Crawford, Carlos Pena, & BJ Upton are very good, but so are Matt Garza, All Star Starter David Price, and James Shields. The Rays will make the playoffs this year; no way they come up short. Lastly, you’ve got the first place New York Yankees. The Yankees currently have a 200 plus million dollar payroll, yet they are not a supreme team. They’ve got a shaky middle relief corps, and a lineup that has a lot of high spots but some low-spots as well.

The game of baseball finally seems to be competitive, but is it a fluke? It’s very possible that it is in fact just that. There’s no way the San Diego Padres have a better team than the Colorado Rockies or Los Angeles Dodgers. Same goes for the Cincinnati Reds being better than the St. Louis Cardinals. In the American League, the Twins, White Sox, and Tigers are all essentially the same team, so there’s no clear cut winner there any season. The only team never to win a Central Division Title in the American League is the Kansas City Royals, so even The Cleveland Indians have seen the playoffs once in the last few years. I also am convinced the Red Sox are just as good as the Rays and Yankees but seem like they are a step off this season.

Bud Selig could not stop bragging about competitive balance during the All Star break in Anaheim. He’s right though, this is something to be thrilled with this year after all of the drama Major League Baseball has seen over the last six years. In the end, however, The Yankees will still outspend everyone for players, The Indians will still over-spend for terrible players, and the same players will still be viewed as steroid users. One year of competitive divisions and intriguing races for the playoffs will not change the horrid perception Major League Baseball and Bud Selig have earned.

YouTube Link of the Week II: The Self-Titled King Is The Third Man

This video is from one of the most important moments in pro wrestling history. This is the day Hulk Hogan became a bad guy during 1996, joining the evil NWO. It ended a streak of nearly 16 years, where Hogan was the biggest good guy in pro wrestling. Sound like a familiar storyline?

It's funny, appropriate, and as a kid I was just as shocked that day, the way I was last Wednesday.

YouTube Link of the Week: MVP Puppets Commercial

While I usually don't want to post more than one video a week (This site is about my written word not someone else's video), I had to post this one. It's not family appropriate and it's most certainly something anyone with a twitter account should tweet at LeBron James (@kingjames). It's the least I could do to remind the self-glossed Chosen One, that he's just a normal human being and that his holier than thou attitude needs to be kept in check.

Listen closely for the words of the puppet.

Preposterous Video #2: King Nothing

As part of my crusade to crush the self-anointed, narcissistic king and make him as valueless as possible, I present the following video courtesy of WMMS 100.7FM. It's very clear what's coming in the future as these videos are just going to get more nasty, and impactful. It's going to get very personal too. You never forget when someone turns their back on you and stabs you in the heart.

Blog #11: Ben Roethlisberger Might As Well Be On Jerry Springer

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #11: Ben Roethlisberger Might As Well Be On Jerry Springer

July 13, 2010

I’m an angry Cleveland Browns fan. I don’t hide it. When you as a diehard fan have to go through the last eleven seasons for a combined record of 59-117, I think I have the right to be very, very angry. I’ve managed to transform that anger, however. That rage and anger has evolved into the hatred of our biggest rival, The Pittsburgh Steelers. Since 2004, The Cleveland Browns have defeated The Steelers once. I went through five and a half years of college and did not see win number one against the hated Steelers. I’m not writing this article to talk about rivalries or my hatred of all things Pittsburgh. I’m not even writing this article about my self-imposed ban on even visiting or driving through the city of Pittsburgh. This blog is being written to tear down and accurately depict Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger as someone who fits in on the set of Jerry Springer far better than he does in a society of civilized people.

Does this guy go to the barber and ask for the sexual predator haircut? He’s been accused of rape as a professional, just as many times as he’s won a Superbowl, TWICE. Once, maybe it’s because he’s famous and has the ability to play the “do you know who I am card.” But twice, that’s a pattern, and nobody has mentioned his variety of incidents as a student at the University of Miami (Ohio). Lest we forget, it was Big Ben who hopped aboard a motorcycle while not wearing a helmet, and not owning a Pennsylvania motorcycle license when he flew over the handlebars and put his head through the windshield of a car. He’s more of a sideshow freak than Quarterback. Multiple jaw fractures and a nine inch cut on the back of the head as well as teeth knocked out from the incident led to Roethlisberger looking more like a carnie than would fit in with his behavior.

While car accidents are one thing, and certainly can be written off if not for his pattern of behavior, being accused of sexual assault is a whole new ball game that Number 7 can’t even compete in. The very first incident as a professional occurred in Lake Tahoe, NV. Andrea McNulty accused Roethlisberger of raping her as she came to fix his television in his room. As she allegedly attempted to leave the room, seeing that Ben had lied about the television problems he stood in front of the door. Since this is a family blog, I’ll just say that one thing led to another and this story broke to the media. A lawsuit filed accuses Roethlisberger of causing the victim to have depression and require medical care from the attack. As of now, the lawsuit is still pending and no criminal charges have been filed.

The second accusation of sexual assault against Ben Roethlisberger spurned from an incident at a college bar in Milledgeville, GA. Let’s back track before I provide details. This incident occurred at a COLLEGE BAR. Ben Roethlisberger has played in the NFL since 2004. That means it’s been six years since he’s been in college. There is no need for him to be in a college bar at that time, especially with his reputation. This incident occurred in the women's bathroom at the Capitol City Nightclub. A 20 year old college student, who was drunk, accused Roethlisberger of forcing himself on her at inside the women's restroom. Re-read the last sentence, why was the Steelers Quarterback in the women’s restroom? What is his excuse this time? No charges were filed for either incident, so of course Big Ben is innocent until proven guilty. However, this pattern of behavior speaks for itself. This is the kind of nonsense that a scripted character on Jerry Springer does.

A motorcycle crash (a GIANT contract violation), TWO accusations of rape/sexual assault, and most recently, Profootballtalk.com (an amazing website), reported Ben Roethlisberger was caught urinating on a golf course. Now granted, drinking beer and trying to stay hydrated in the summer on the golf course can lead to many a person having to pee on the course, but with Roethlisberger’s reputation not needing anymore hits, he probably should have held it until he could find a port-a-potty.

Big Ben is currently serving a six game suspension from the NFL for his downright pathetic conduct as an adult. He is scheduled to go through a league mandated behavior evaluation by a professional. He must also receive counseling and treatment recommended by a professional. As a Browns fan, I love seeing Big Ben suffer, but I don’t love seeing him suffer off of the field. He should learn to act like an adult and represent himself and his organization in a far more professional manner. I just have to wonder how much of his behavior is based upon the plethora of concussions he’s suffered on the field behind his shoddy at best offensive line. I would hope that after his suspension his behavior will have improved and he’ll have matured as a person. If that’s the case, The Cleveland Browns defense will gladly send him off the field on a stretcher.

Blog #10: What Should Replace The Giant Mural of LeQuitness?

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #10: What Should Replace The Giant Mural of LeQuitness?

July 12, 2010

Over the weekend I was fortunate enough to see Jay Mohr and Tom Segura do standup at the Cleveland Improv with a couple of my boys. On the ride up to the venue, we drove past the giant mural of our former hero. The term “We Are All Witnesses” still appeared as did the face of Benedict Arnold. This led to a discussion of exactly what should replace the giant banner. So, without further adieu, here are The Top Ten Replacements for LeTraitor James’ banner.

10. A Large Re-Print of Dan Gilbert’s Letter to The Self-Titled King

9. A Banner of Joe Tait, Jim Donovan, & Tom Hamilton with the phrase “Our Voice Will Always Be Heard”

8. Images of Josh Cribbs, Joe Thomas, Carlos Santana, and Anderson Varejao and the phrase “Hope”

7. An identical poster of LeTool without any Nike logos saying “We Were All Hostages”

6. The World’s Largest Pittsburgh Steelers logo with the phrase “Our Quarterback is a Sex-Offender, You’ve Been Warned”

5. A Giant Advertisement for the great blog Notevilsportsprogrammingnetwork.blogspot.com

4. A Huge Dan Gilbert Fathead with the phrase “Don’t Cross The Boss”

3. Chief Wahoo with a tear and the phrase “Albert, Manny, Jim. Can We Please Add Travis To This List?”

2. A Photo of The Quitter’s mom, Gloria with Delonte West’s face over her right shoulder and the phrase “Your son is headed South, but you’ll always have ridden West”

1. A Cleveland Browns helmet and the phrase “Bleed Orange and Brown Forever

Image of the Week Award Winner Week of July 11, 2010

Enough of the hatred for the gutless wonder, there will be plenty of time for that in the near future. Let's all hate on sex-offender Ben Roethlisberger with this glorious image courtesy of a fan at realcavsfans.com There will be a fun article blowing him up very, very soon. Here we go Brownies, here we go!

Blog #9: Good, Old Fashioned Sports Talk Radio

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #9: Good, Old Fashioned Sports Talk Radio

July 12, 2010

In a world where The Evil Four Letter Network dominates every area of professional and collegiate sports, it’s rare to find a talking head with their own voice. I’m not talking about the tone, rate, and pitch of the speaker; I’m talking about non-homogenized and corporate opinions of the host. There is no opinion these days that seems to have its own voice. You’ve got Mike & Mike in the Morning who speak, nothing but the Evil Four Letter agenda from 6AM to 10AM on syndicated affiliates all across the country. Former Sports Center anchor Scott VanPelt hosts a show that is extremely pedestrian. The same can be said for Chris Myers who is most famous for ruining former Boise State Running Back Ian Johnson’s proposal to his girlfriend, Chrissy Popadics after the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. That brings me to Colin Cowherd. Oh man, Cowherd is awful. His voice makes me want to get stung by a hoard of bees. How this man has secured not only a nationally syndicated sports talk radio show on the “World Wide Leader” but also a television show on “The Deuce,” is one of life’s greatest mysteries. All of these shows promote the national agenda that Not ESPN does not promote or approve of.

This article isn’t about any of the previously mentioned “sports radio journalists.” This commentary is about good sports talk radio. When I think back to good sports talk radio I think of names like the late “Professor” Geoff Sindelar. Sindelar may have passed away, but the way he conducted himself on air will live on forever. “That sucked canal water” and “Horse Manure” were two phrases WKNR’s Sindelar would use on air to describe baseball players like Jhonny Peralta rather often. Sindelar was painfully honest and made for the best radio of my lifetime. He was an expert on sports memorabilia and knew enough to even host seminars on collecting baseball cards. My dad took me to see one as a nine year old and it was really informative. Sindelar’s unique voice was also something that made me want to tune in. I rooted for him to run bad callers off the air and rant about them. To this day, it’s why I enjoy guys like Greg Brinda and Kenny Roda so much. Both men have carried over Geoff Sindelar’s best antics and mixed them into their current free thinking shtick’s. Sindelar’s number one catch phrase was shouted most often on air, when a caller would mention a piece of their collection, “Good Item.” That he was.

Maybe Petros Papadakis is most known for his time as a running back for the University of Southern California Trojan football team during the late 1990’s. Maybe Matt “Money” Smith is more known for being the Pre and Post-Game Show host of the Los Angeles Lakers. But when their powers combine they form the Petros and Money Show on KLAC 570 AM in Los Angeles, California. The show is also syndicated nationally via Fox Sports Radio. PMS as the show is politely dubbed is a smorgasbord of sports talk with a little bit of not-sports mixed in at the end of the show with the appropriately entitled “Not Sports Report.”

The best part of Petros and Money is the music. Producer "The Debonair" David Vassegh has the best selection of music in radio. The variety of music ranges from Manu Chao to Eric B. and Rakim’s Microphone Fiend which kicks off hour number three each night. The music on the show changes depending on the day of the week as well. Each day has a name, like “Win Forever Wednesday” or “Crunchy Groove Thursday.” It’s fresh talk and information with no bias, every single day.

Without a doubt the most preposterously entertaining part of the show occurs at two separate times with two separate characters. Vance Finance the alter ego of Matt “Money” Smith pops in every Tuesday to dispense the most pertinent and fascinating financial advice there is to distribute. Vance Finance is allegedly a wealthy real estate tycoon, whose real job is as an investment banker. His passion is football, and he loves to distribute gambling advice during the college and professional seasons.

In storyline the cousin of Vance Finance is Lance Romance who is a self-titled ladies man, living in Newport Beach. He drives a red Mazda Miata with spinning 24-inch rims. In reality, it’s really Petros Papadakis giving relationship and love-life advice to the listeners who call in. Both Vance and Lance really separate the show from the other so called sports talk shows that seem to just focus on self-gratification.

“Only teams win! Only teams win!” shouts John Papadakis father of Petros when he joins the Petros and Money Show each Friday. Papadakis is the charismatic owner of the old Papadakis Taverna in San Pedro, California and a former USC football player. Mr. Papadakis joins the show each week to argue with Petros on various football related topics even in the off season. Petros’ father is a charismatic older Greek gentleman who is famous for his speech to USC where he yelled “Only teams win!” It’s a popular drop in on the show, and has helped contribute by making the show the most entertaining show in radio with nothing else even close.

The bottom line in all of this is sports talk radio is the most valuable commodity in sports. It’s more important than newspaper writers, and certainly more important than any program ESPN offers their audience on one of their sixty eight networks. This is a direct line to the people of the city in which these shows occur. There is absolutely no reason not to enjoy the show hosts I mentioned in the later paragraphs. After all, unlike ESPN, they actually do seem interested in what the people have to say.

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From the creator of Justwinthering.com and the Consentlessberger (Article on QB's who double as sex offenders coming soon).

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Blog #8: An Open Letter To the Self-Glossed King

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #8: An Open Letter To the Self-Glossed King

July 9, 2010

Note: All comments in this topic are from me, Jeff Schwartz. I refuse to hide my honest feelings, beliefs, and anger toward someone who would proclaim themselves to be so much of a positive influence on people and stab us in the back. May every word of the song Pray For You be done unto the gutless coward I wrote about in the below writing.

Dear Gloria’s Child,

In life as a Cleveland Sports Fan there have been many wonderful memories. For me, none more valuable than seeing you hug Zydrunas Ilgauskas upon clinching the Eastern Conference Championship in 2007 while sharing a room with my family. There was the 2007 Cleveland Browns entire season, and the 1995-1999 Indians who did things on the field better than you ever did on the court, as a team. When you and “your team” (as you called them multiple times) lost, in embarrassing fashion, we still had your back. We the fans still wore your jersey, wore your t-shirts, and proudly proclaimed to be “witnesses.” It meant so much to us, as people to see one of our own succeed in the manner that you had. You represented all that was right with Ohio and the great cities of Cleveland and Akron. What a wonderful marketing ploy you had to bilk of us, of our hopes, dreams, and self-pride.

Never did I believe until earlier this summer that Dwayne Wade’s bitch would in fact be the self-glossed Chosen One. Your callous, and offensive televised back stabbing on the Evil Sports Programming Network was par for the course with them. You showed exactly what I had suspected, you’ve got no heart, no self-respect, and you don’t appreciate where you came from. “What we do in life echoes in eternity.” Just as the Cleveland Cavaliers video pitch to you had stated, you’ve ruined your reputation in your former home. Your businesses, which have your money invested, will tank, and your family will no longer be welcomed or given the extreme treatment they’ve become used to.

When your mother Gloria James is arrested again for drunk and disorderly conduct and the police find her to be in possession of illegal narcotics there will be no more free passes. When people see the King of AK license plate on your Mercedes, speeding down I-90 there will be no more get out of jail free cards. When you come back to Quicken Loans Arena you will not be greeted with an ovation fit for a self-appointed king.

I once heard you describe yourself as a “true warrior.” At this moment, there could not be a less appropriate self-gloss. A true warrior does not desert the people who sustain him. A true warrior does not leave home, while sacrificing others including his own family to inflate his own self-worth. A true warrior does not abandon those in need of the fulfillment of his promises. A true warrior does not self-anoint nicknames like you did. Nobody that I have spoken to has ever heard of a king who abandoned his kingdom.

When Dan Gilbert wrote that letter blasting you and ripping you down from your self-created perch I was proud. To see someone make it their own mission in life to harm your career made me want to go out and do everything in my power to help Dan Gilbert be able to say mission accomplished. While I don’t consider myself to be a country music fan, the lyrics to the song “Pray For You” by Jaron and the Long Road of Love are very, very appropriate for how Dan Gilbert, myself, and the rest of the true Cleveland and Akron Sports community feels.

“ I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know where ever you are honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’to take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you
I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.”

“He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home." This will be the last time I type or say the name LeBron James. LeBron, I’m not a religious man nor am I someone who prays often. But the words of that song echo how everyone is feeling right now. You’ve replaced Art Modell as the target of our rage. So in one regard, you have accomplished the impossible. Gloria’s Son, you stole our heart as a high schooler. You nurtured us as a fan-base for seven years. You took our hearts last night, and held them up high as can be for the entire world to see. Then you stabbed us in the heart, in an act of cowardice not seen in sports ever. You’ve become our number one villain. Fortunately that nickname’s taken so you can’t self-gloss that for yourself.

Sincerely,

Jeff Schwartz, Man of the People