Blog #13: My Tribute to the Greatest Manager in Cleveland Indians History

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #13: My Tribute to the Greatest Manager in Cleveland Indians History

July 17, 2010

In the modern era of such incredibly awful managers like Eric Wedge and Manny Acta who did/do their job with such little legitimate emotion, I can’t help but be really sad over the death of the greatest baseball manager in the history of the Cleveland Indians franchise. It was 1989, and the Cleveland Indians and owner Rachel Phelps had a really awful baseball team. Ms. Phelps had no qualms about wanting the worst of the worst so she could move the franchise to Florida. Why anyone would want to pack their bags and move to Florida, I’ll never know but that’s a different story for a different day. Phelps and General Manager Charlie Donovan needed a patsy, for one year. After being rejected by several candidates, they settled on Donovan’s old friend the great Lou Brown.

Lou Brown was a tire salesman from Toledo, but he was also the best man for the job. Brown initially refused the job. "Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.” But soon enough Brown was managing the Tribe with such luminaries as Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn a hard throwing right hander who spent time in the California Penal League the year prior, Willy Mayes Hayes, a guy who “Runs like Mayes but hits like shit,” Roger Dorn, a perennial underachieving soft minded, pompous jackass who didn’t even bend over to receive ground balls at third base, and Jake Taylor, a veteran who was at the end of a career rope that was disintegrating.

It was Brown who got the Indians to win games when they had no right to. It was Brown who sacrificed his own health to help guys like Outfielder Pedro Cerrano and Pitcher Ed Harris get the Indians into the playoffs. Lou Brown supported even the biggest bums on his own team, with motivating comments like “Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "olé" bullshit! Every time you play one off of your hips, you owe me forty sit-ups.” Roger Dorn never bent over to field the ball that way again.

When the Indians slumped Brown, fired back at his team. He wasn’t afraid of them, like an Eric Wedge or Manny Acta is. Brown didn’t care about being politically correct like a Mark Shapiro. The truth was the truth. There was to be zero spin control. “You guys won last year just to spite her. Maybe, she's what we need. Taylor, it's not your job to make excuses. That's all you guys do good! It's either a "leg thing" or a "spiritual thing" or a "psychological thing" or a heart attack!" It was Lou Brown who gave himself a heart attack because he wanted to help his team win.

So with today’s passing of the great Lou Brown, I’d like to eulogize him with the following speech, that he made; “All right people, we got 10 minutes 'till game time, let's all gather 'round. I'm not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sportswriters' time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big shitburger to eat!” The previous comments are the exact message I’d deliver to every team on opening day. It’s time Cleveland gave this country a nice big shitburger to eat. When that happens, not if, but when that happens, it’s going to be a celebration that will require the National Guard to step in and end the fun. “Burn on Lou Brown, Burn on.”