Random Acts of Commentary: Some People Are Just Completely Stupid

Jeff Schwartz

Random Short Commentary: Some People Are Just Completely Stupid

July 29, 2010

Some people just like to make a statement. That’s cool. That’s also respectable. But there are always lines drawn in the sand where the person making a statement comes off as an idiot. Maybe this guy missed the memo or “The Decision.” Maybe he’s just a tool looking for attention but Matt Bellamy you’re going to become my victim after this blog. Why you chose to show up to an Indians vs. Yankees game in a #6 LeBron James Miami Heat jersey I will never know. Are you an idiot? Are you looking to get killed? The Self-Titled King doesn’t even have the stones to do that. Art Modell hasn’t been back here since 1996. Not only did this buffoon put himself in harm’s way, he also put his girlfriend in harm’s way. Buddy, if you’re stupid enough to put yourself out there, you should at least consider protecting your girlfriend.

Per http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/2010/07/too-soon-cleveland-frowns-exclusive-guy.html Matt Bellamy is from Sandusky, he’s been pistol whipped before and sports a scar from it. Matt, you’re a loser. You’ll be a loser for the rest of your life. Based upon the pictures and videos I’ve viewed at the Cleveland Frowns link, you’re just a loser. It’s amazing the fans last night were as kind to you as they were. You’re lucky you made it out of there with your life. You’re lucky your girlfriend was not victimized more than she was. Had this been a Cleveland Browns game, your fate would have been a whole lot different.

Blog #18: The Curious Case of Jhonny Peralta

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #18: The Curious Case of Jhonny Peralta

July 28, 2010

In all of my years watching the Cleveland Indians there has not been a player who has confused me as much as Jhonny Peralta has. He’s the infield version of a conundrum. How could I possibly not want to keep a guy who hit 35 doubles, 18 home runs, and 80 RBI's a season, while maintaining an average of .264? How could I possibly want to trade, cut, waive, send down a guy who hit .300 in his lone year of playoffs, 2007? Am I nuts? But the more I thought about it, the more I smiled because finally after being a part of the Indians organization since 1999, Jhonny Peralta was no longer able to call himself a Cleveland Indian. He was never a locker room cancer or a bad guy. In fact Jhonny Peralta was a really nice guy. He signed autographs, he took photos, he cut really funny commercials, but I’m happy he’s gone. Jhonny Peralta is in fact a really good person, and for once I feel bad that I’ve buried an athlete on the field. But again, I’m so thrilled he’s not part of the Cleveland Indians team anymore.

So, as I was thinking back about the last seven years Jhonny Peralta spent on the Indians big league roster I thought of five solid reasons why I’m excited to see Jhonny Peralta move on. First and foremost the man had steel feet. He may have had worst defensive range as a shortstop in Major League Baseball from 2003-2009. I saw him have more balls go up the middle and between third and short in six years than I did from 1994-2003 with Omar Vizquel.

Secondly, his glove work was downright embarrassing. Peralta had more balls stick to his glove than any type of glue could have helped. Any great shortstop that is dead is currently rolling over in their graves. The third issue I have with Jhonny Peralta is that he always seemed lazy. His numbers at the plate seem to refute that claim most of the time however his carefree attitude seems to come off as lazy. Lazy running the bases, lazy in the field, lazy in the way he carried himself. Jhonny just looked like he didn’t care.

My fourth issue with Jhonny Peralta is one that he can’t take all of the blame for. Mark Shapiro, who I’ve got a lot of anger toward signed Peralta to a five year, thirteen million dollar contract. When the deal went through, many fans seemed to be thrilled. After a year of that contract those same people who were excited could not wait to be rid of that deal. Peralta’s agent Bill Rego may have collected that contract with a ski-mask and gun because he robbed the Indians. There was no reason Bill Rego and Jhonny Peralta should have said no that contract, but it still said Jhonny Peralta on the deal and that’s reason enough to be bothered.

The fifth and final issue with Peralta is what he represented. Jhonny Peralta represents an era of Cleveland Indians baseball that promoted laziness, “grinding out wins,” no homeruns, no World Series appearances, and a whole lot of spin control. In fifty years Peralta’s name will appear amongst losers like Eric Wedge, Grady Sizemore, Larry Dolan, Paul Dolan, Jason Michaels, David Dellucci, and the biggest representation of all the bad Casey Blake. When you do not win, and you look lazy on the field, all the while people are making excuses for you, there is celebration when you leave town.

Make no mistake about it, Jhonny Peralta is a good human being. He’s represented The Cleveland Indians very well in public. There were no code of conduct issues with him. He was just lazy, unmotivated, and represented an era of really sad baseball for Cleveland fans. This trade is not like moving C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and Victor Martinez, nor is it like Albert Belle, Manny Ramirez, or Jim Thome leaving. The trading of Jhonny Peralta today, to the Detroit Tigers is a positive in every way, shape, or form. Today is the start of the resurrection of the Cleveland Indians infield.

YouTube Link of the Week: In Honor of Nolan Smith's Birthday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA8oNk8A3X8&videos=ltX915oq57s

Legit: He's the most charismatic guard in the history of Duke University. What Nolan Smith lacks in talent, he more than makes up for in desire, heart, passion, and presence. Here's to an epic senior season ending with another net cutting ceremony.

Image of the Week Award Winner Week of July 25, 2010

Coming off the news story that Roy Williams has a problem with Duke Freshman Point Guard Kyrie Irving before he even plays a game, I had to make this the Image of the Week. Once a loser Roy, always a loser Roy.

Blog #17: Discovering a New Guy

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #17: Discovering a New Guy

July 27, 2010

Last night I attended an Akron Aeros baseball game with my grandfather. Throughout the course of the game I sat and discussed the game of baseball with him. As much fun as that is, I was quite horrified by my surroundings. In the last few years a number of “guys” have become apparent, as referred to on the Jim Rome Show. Softball guy, bachelor party guy, golf guy, gym guy, fantasy sports guy, you all know them. But last a new, scary, totally out of control “guy” came to the forefront, “Sports Event Guy.” This guy is the worst of them all. He’s usually forty and up, single, no kids, never married, and overweight. While you might think that’s a lot of people out there, “Sports Event Guy” has a few distinctive traits that makes him an awful human being. There’s also different categories to “Sports Event Guy,” making this “guy” the worst of the worst.

Let’s first start out with the idea that “Sports Event Guy” sings along to every rally cry played over the public address system at the ballpark. If the loud phrase of “Day-O!” is played, this goof yells along to it, every single time without fail. He’ll also scream at the pitcher as if the pitcher can hear every word he says. For instance, the inspiration for this “guy” kept screaming “Pitcher has a big butt!” and then laughing at it, like it was a great and creative insult. It’s a line from a movie aimed at kids, not forty year old single men. A good heckle is something that gets everyone else to laugh, not yourself.

“Sports Event Guy” also suffers from a disease I’d like to call “Repeat-phrase-itus.” An example would be last night, this buffoon using the term “I almost got it,” every time a foul was hit into the stands in any section of the stadium. Or the fact that when a foul ball was hit out of the stadium he’d yell “I hope it doesn’t hit my car.” Sir, I hope every ball fair or foul somehow hits your car.

While “Sports Event Guy” is totally out of control, there’s nothing more bothersome to me than an adult who brings his baseball glove to a game. I understand being a kid and being all fired up to attend a game. I brought my glove along many times as a child to the game. After all as a kid what could be cooler than catching a foul ball or a homerun, probably not much. As an adult however, upon catching the ball or making a fool of yourself while trying to snag the ball you end up on ESPN, and that’s not good for anybody. Almost assuredly, when you’re an adult and you bring your glove to the game, you look like a clown. This alleged adult brought his glove and his five children to the game. A nice family outing, except dad spent the entire night joking around with loud obnoxious guy leaving my grandfather and me in the middle of the battlefield. Upon each foul ball hit, “Baseball Glove Adult Guy” tried to clear a path like a fullback does for a running back in the NFL. He was unsuccessful every attempt to shag a fly ball into our section.

To all of my readers, please do not think “Sports Event Guy” is only applicable to men. Oh no, not even close. There’s also a female version, who sat directly behind me last night. Between rooting for both teams to score and gossiping about their fellow employees’ hips being too wide, I’d venture to say these two women took a wrong turn somewhere. I’d go as far as saying these two women should be permanently banned from attending any event I do. High pitched screaming, and loud conversations that would be better served occurring at a Starbucks do not belong at baseball games on a warm summer night.

Those that know me know I am not a people person. In fact I am proud to dislike everyone that doesn’t come with a recommendation. Almost assuredly when I am at a sporting event there will be someone around me that is clearly dislikable. It never disappoints. Be it drunk guy, loud guy, adult who never gives up the dream guy, or even teenager guy who feels the need to toss his popcorn at elderly devoted fan guy for no reason, it’s always consistent. “Sports Event Guy” is a part of the greatness that comes with attending a live sporting event. But that’s no reason he has to act like a complete tool.

Blog #16: A Blog Dedicated to #16 Josh Cribbs

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #16: A Blog Dedicated to #16 Josh Cribbs

July 22, 2010

“Thank you lord for allowing me to enjoy another day in your name, father God thank you for allowing us to beat the steelers… Amen.” No I’ve not suddenly become one of those crazy religious folks. That’s actually the first tweet I ever favorite on Twitter. It’s a tweet that came from Cleveland Brown Josh Cribbs an hour after the Cleveland Browns beat the Pittsburgh Steelers last December. Cribbs played out of his mind that game. Statistically, his numbers weren’t mind blowing but it was the little things he did that made that big of an impact.

It’s always the little things Josh Cribbs does that make him one of the best football players in Cleveland Browns history. Special teams tackling, Cribbs does it well. Punt returns, Cribbs succeeds, Kickoff returns, Cribbs is the best in the league bar none, Catching passes, Cribbs is working at it. The Cleveland Browns are a better football team when Josh Cribbs is on the field, and he’s never off of it. Rumors are circling Cribbs will get some time at Safety this season due to the shortage of talent at the position for the Browns. He’d probably be awesome at that too.

Josh Cribbs was an undrafted Quarterback out of Kent State where he wasn’t even originally a scholarship player. Cribbs wasn't even the best player on his own high school team. That honor belonged to San Francisco 49ers Tight End Vernon Davis. Cribbs has played 77 career NFL games up to this point. In those 77 games, he's the proud owner of 10 Special Teams touchdowns. That’s enough to merit consideration for the best Special Teams player in the history of the league.

Ignoring the numbers and the amazing highlights, Cribbs conduct is what makes him so special. Josh Cribbs is a family man; he represents the people of Cleveland in a positive manner. His 2010 Pro Bowl check was donated to Haiti for victims of an earthquake. His television show on FSN Ohio “Josh’s Cribbs,” shows Cribbs continuously in the community signing autographs and taking pictures. He’s beloved in this town because he plays football so passionately. In the ten years the Cleveland Browns have returned from exile, only Joe Thomas has been more dominant. The Cleveland Browns are turning the tide around with positive work on the field. Quality coaching has replaced complete lunacy from management, and Josh Cribbs is a major part of that turn around. As the countdown to training camp officially begins this coming Monday, thinking of Joshua Cribbs highlights of the past and future will put a smile on any face, loyal to the Orange and Brown.

I could watch this video all day.

Blog #15: Brett Favre, Enough Already!

Jeff Schwartz

Blog #15: Brett Favre, Enough Already!

July 21, 2010

In 1991 The NFL was first graced with the presence of one Brett Lorenzo Favre. The blame for that rests in the Atlanta Falcons who drafted Favre with the 33rd overall pick (Round 2). Over the course of the next nineteen seasons the NFL fans in Green Bay, New York, and Minnesota have been held hostage by this lunatic. Whether it was the ridiculous commercials for Wrangler Jeans or the absurd amount of references to his appearance in There’s Something About Mary, Favre has been everywhere even during the off season. For the last five seasons, Favre has threatened to retire from the NFL. When I say threatened, I say it as an awful thing, because he’s never serious. The Packers, Jets, and Vikings all fell victim to his demands.

Heading into this off season, the Evil Four Letter Network has launched Favre watch 2010. The whole LeBron-nonsense wasn’t enough, neither was the Tiger Woods coverage, so the Evil Sports Programming Network has launched this year’s version of Favre Watch. Rachel Nichols is held up in Mississippi waiting for Lord Favre to step outside of his manor. Wendy Nix is posted up live outside of the Minnesota Vikings training facility hoping to catch a small glimpse of Coach Brad Childress in hopes of gaining a word or two from him on ESPN’s new Chosen One, Brett Favre. It’s really all too much. Upon viewing Sports Center (Yeah I’m back on the horse), The Gunslinger’s name was talked about for a total of eleven minutes over the course of three segments. That’s over 1/6^th of the show was devoted to Number 4. Unreal? Not really, ESPN’s hard-on for Favre dates back to even before he played in a Monday Night Football game the night his father died.

Brett Favre is essentially the Evil Four Letter’s hometown hero, despite being from nowhere near Bristol, CT. Make no mistake about it; Favre is a first ballot hall of famer. He’s one of the best football players to ever live. But he’s a human being, with human problems, just like the rest of us. I’m not sure The World Wide Leader knows Brett Favre is a tax paying, addiction having, breathing citizen of the United States just as much as Bob Smith from Ft. Worth, Texas. There’s no real difference other than a job and some athletic skills. You can’t tell that to ESPN though. As far as they’re concerned Favre is the greatest man to ever live. Statistically, he’s an average QB, but his leadership on the field and 11 Pro Bowl Selections, 3 All Pro Selections, 3 MVP's, 1 Superbowl Ring make Favre a legend on the field.

The reason I’m taking issue with Favre, is his conduct off the field. You can’t go into every single off-season and debate on retirement. You can’t hold a team hostage the way he did the Packers, Jets, and Vikings. He’s a head case, and I’m not sure whether concussions have played a part in this strange behavior. It’s really not a hard choice to play or not to play. I get the idea that it’s hard to leave your teammates. Why not just say I’m planning on coming back, and if that changes I’ll be glad to do four days of a sentence at the ESPN campus for interviews on all of the shows? Is it really hard to be fair to your fellow teammates? I don’t think so.

Another question that comes up about Favre continuously coming back is do his statistics justify it? Last season’s numbers indicate his return is justified, 33 touchdowns, with only 7 interceptions, and 34 sacks. That’s a hell of a season but that number of sacks is scary. However in the season prior Favre had 22 touchdowns, 22 interceptions, and was sacked 30 times. A nearly forty year old man does not need to be sacked 64 times in two seasons. That’s the kind of pain that can’t be good for anyone of any age.

His career totals include 497 touchdowns, 317 interceptions, and 503 sacks. Those are astounding numbers from the NFL’s only active grandfather. Eventually his body is going to break into pieces and when it happens it will happen quickly, maybe over night. I don’t know that you can justify his price tag of 12 million a season, at age 40 even with 33 trips to the end zone. If I’m the Minnesota Vikings, a team with an All-Pro Running Back (Adrian Peterson) and a top notch receiving corps, I’m scouring the world for a young Quarterback that I can sub in for Lord Favre. There’s no way to trust Favre or really any other “experienced” athlete to play the situation the same way he plays the game.